2019 summed up:
If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
So, the long version of things is 2019 was a rough year for me. Every time I got on here to post a blog, all I could think to do was talk about how bad things were in my life. And the rational part of me–that part that I bury deep because I much prefer to be emotional and that makes me “quirky”–couldn’t claw its way out of a hole. All I could see was darkness surrounding me, and for no reason.
I know I’ve written about my depression on here before, so I try not to be a broken record about things. But this was a particularly rough year. The best way I can quantify it is this: it was my least productive year, maybe in my entire life. I didn’t read much. I didn’t paint much. I didn’t leave my house much.
I allowed myself to be pulled into this endless cycle of going to work and coming home. And when I’d get home, I’d be so tired that writing or reading were the last things I could even fathom doing. What I could fathom doing was getting on here and letting my fingers rip everybody with whom I’d come into contact that day to shreds. So I just didn’t type anything.
And the days I was in a good mood, I looked at the stack of books I had to read and review and felt buried under the amount of work I had to do for this thing that was supposed to be fun.
And it wasn’t until recently that I realized that problem I was actually having was with the direction I had taken Plucky Reader. When I look back at the last year’s posts, I had turned into a review blog. Not that there’s anything wrong with a review blog; it just wasn’t the way I’d pictured Plucky Reader. And it wasn’t how I’d started.
The problem is that I’m greedy.
I came into contact with some wonderful people who spoke directly to my heart: they offered me free books. And I love getting free books. But the demand of reviewing these books weighed heavily on me. And I only have so much time during the week to read and write, on top of my full-time job.
And I know. This is the ultimate first world problem. I don’t have enough time to read all the free books I’ve been getting because my job keeps me busy. But it was still a problem for me.
So I’ve decided that moving forward, in an attempt to preserve my sanity and my integrity, I am going to be more choosy about the ARCs I accept. And I’m going to write what I want. And I’m going to get back into writing.
So, I hope you’ll indulge me in writing the things I want to write about again. Maybe that’ll be teaching. Maybe it’ll be books and reading. Maybe it’ll be church or religion. Who knows what I’ll write about? The possibilities are limitless.
We’ll see what 2020 holds. It already feels full of promise.
The Plucky Reader