So… You may have noticed I’ve been gone for a while. You may not have, I don’t know. But the fact remains, I have been gone for nearly three months from the Pluckyverse.
I took some time off this summer to recover from the busy school year and to set up my new classroom and to start learning my new curriculum. Then I took some time off to recover from the busy start to summer. Then I went to workshops and meetings and I was still recovering from recovering. And then I needed to recover from my recovery period, and suddenly I look up, and here September is, creeping its way into October already.
The world kept spinning while I was recovering, and it left me in the dust. At first I called it a rut. Then a phase. Then I reminded myself that I always do this. I always withdraw from people and books and keep to myself as much as possible. (I never do that. I’m an extreme extrovert and a voracious reader.)
Next came a death in my family and other issues. And the start of the school year came. And I kept telling myself that things will settle down. Things will get easier. I’ll be back to my old self in no time. But that wasn’t the case. I’m still not 100% myself, but I’m coming back around.
This phase? This rut? One of the biggest depressive episodes I’ve had in a long time. It’s had me questioning a lot of things about myself and my life. It’s made me stop to wonder where so many of the things I used to love fit into my life anymore. Where does music fit in? Where does reading? Where does writing? I used to love writing.
For whatever reason, I’ve become full of self doubt. There are days when I’m the most confident human being in the world, and then others in which I question every move I make. And the simple truth is this:
So as I’m pulling myself out on the other side, and finding myself again, I’m challenging myself to start writing more. And to start reading again. And to find the joy in the things I’ve loved for so long. Because I can’t let depression–my own personal demon–take what it wants anymore. I’m in control again. I am back.
I am unbreakable.