Facing Your Fears

A few weeks ago, I wrote about what happens when you achieve your dreams. Now that I’m a few weeks out, I’m learning what happens after you achieve your dreams.

For me, at least, you dream bigger. You rewrite your list. You reevaluate your dreams. You take a step back and reassess and start over. You edit and you rework and you put yourself in new situations that you hadn’t considered for yourself.

In my own practice, this means venturing out to getting my novels published. So I’ve taken a couple of leaps of faith and pursued  avenues I hadn’t considered. For the longest, both of my novels have been free and available (and grossly unedited) on Wattpad. In fact, one of my books was featured on Wattpad for a while and garnered 120,000 reads.

I’ve since edited them and began the process of seeking publication. Which is a terrifying process. Because what that means is I get to write a letter explaining why my book is better than every book, ever. Which is terrifying because what if your book doesn’t stand up against everything they’ve ever read?

And then you have to write a synopsis of the book that condenses your 350+ pages into two pages. It’s stressful because you love every word in that book, or you wouldn’t have put them in it. It seems impossible to reduce your two years of hard work into two pages.

Also, you have to make sure your book is edited and ready for publication. So you sit down with your red pen and your cuppa and you get ready to realize just how bad the things you wrote really are.  So many tears. So many eye rolls. So many hours spent going what the hell did I mean? I thought I knew what I was doing.

And then you finally get it all together and you send everything and you wait 4-8 weeks for agents not to reply. That’s the best part of the entire process. The waiting. And the silent rejection. It’s basically like being in third grade all over again, except instead of circling yes or no on the letter you left on her desk, Ashleigh threw the letter away and transferred classes. It’s rough.

Why do I do it then?

Because I love writing. I love sharing stories. I love that stories have picked me to tell them.

So, today my KindleScout campaign wraps up. And I’m impatiently waiting a rejection letter from an agent. And I couldn’t be happier.

Friday I turn 30 and I’m rushing headfirst into my 30s with big dreams and a broad smile. Bring it on, 30. Let’s see what you’ve got in store for me!

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